..harus diakui dulu sebelum mampu berubah kan ya?
kadang-kadang tanpa sengaja [atau sengaja tapi pura-pura nggak sadar?] aku ini sering menerapkan standar ganda. anggaplah A dan B, 2 orang yang berbeda, berbuat hal yang sama, aku bisa memaklumi A dan tidak bisa memaklumi B. hmm... aku punya hak apa atas keduanya? none. still, i mark them in my head. and i didn't say it. ya memang sih pastinya keduanya punya latar belakang yang berbeda, pilihan-pilihan yang berbeda, pemikiran2, dan pertimbangan2 yang berbeda. tapi tetep aja. kenapa diriku ini nggak diam aja dan just don't judge them? [but i made those automatic judgment because i DO care about them. don't you think? if i don't care about them then wth..] :P
[sometimes i prefer my talkative self-it's more uncomplicated than the silent one. but sadly, that one prone to heartache and misunderstanding coz some people just can't accept the good intention behind the straight-to-the-points words.]
looking back, let's say 10 years ago, i would call my silent-self as a coward, a fraud. but as time went by, i call it as the wiser one. :P *see how i start to make my own double standard? excuses.. excuses.
oh and let me make another confession, that most of the time, i hold high people who are close to me than those one who i never know. so, sometimes, when they do something that i-think-they-know-they-should-not-do-that i do feel some little disappointments. well.. well.. it's their life, isn't it? why should i get into the pond? [ummm... it's because i care! :D]
ah sudahlah.. maybe i do need to take some distance. involving with people takes a lot of emotions. sometimes it's exhausting but i do enjoy it. hmm.. need to measure the right dosage i think. :P
*let's see what i write in 5 years then.. :p
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